And now, like a journey through a wormhole, the year has ended. I want to talk about a lot of things right now, but I'm certain most of them would be premature. It's gonna be a while before I fully understand what it is I was trying to teach myself this past year, and what it is I actually learned. So let me just start by showing you my final video, and then I'll revisit my original goals and attempt to assess some of the small bits of goo I can pull from this monstrous thing.
I started off the new year like a stubborn child
Sure and wild, eager to grow old
I’d let the others know
That if they just put forth the effort they could do such cool shit
This was a dream stuck in its own time, but a dream, that challenged it
And now I’m sitting down at the piano
Lost inside the present
Like I fell through the hole of some huge existential doughnut
Some damned portal I get sucked through every time
A mountain is ahead of me to climb
God, I grabbed those hands on that clock
And I lost count of each minute as it spun by
Holding Megan in the shower I looked down and tears burst from my eyes
Cause she said to me
“It’s been a year,” And there and then it hit me
It’s so silly to think that you have control of something spinning
So damned fast
It must pass
It must pass
It must pass
Let it pass
It’s the last
Of it’s kind, you grew it somewhere deep inside your mind
And now you have to let it fall behind
I’m ending out the New Year by procrastinating
Thinking bout the one’s I love, my family and my friends
“I won’t soon forget 2011,” so much I’ve said
And though I know I’ll still hate all the things I’ve made half of the time
There’s this half that keeps asking me to keep feeling sublime
I’m not so clear this next year what I’ll do
But I’ve surely learned a thing or fucking two
And holy shit, I made it through
1. The composition must contain words at very least, melody by preference, and instrumentation as often as possible. Haha, well, that didn't happen. Though, I would venture to say the fundamental idea behind this rule stayed intact. I strayed quite a number of times into wordless realms, but there was always one of the three parts in there. And if my goal was to write 365 sets of lyrics that was a success because I wrote two songs on several days, and there's a wealth of unused material in word documents on my hardrive entitled weird things such as "Tryna figure out why I keep floppin", "Old Yolk Songz", and "Seaside2".
2. Songs may be posted after the day they represent, in bundles, as long as they were actually written on that day! Thank god for some realism! Though even that goal wasn't achieved. Too many times I saved even the writing of songs until days later. Though I did make it a good third of the way through the year with this idea intact. Towards the end I got a lot better at procrastinating, but I think the farthest behind I ever got on posting was 15 days, and the farthest I ever got behind on writing was probably more like 5 days.
3. Some fun must be had. Oh boiiii. Can you spell S-U-C-C-E-S-S?????
4. ALL RULES MUST BE BROKEN!!!! (Even this one?) My saving grace! Haha, this is like the fine print in the waver you signed that lets the hospital win the law suit involving your stolen kidney. I win I win I win I win!! ... but wait! "(Even this one)"??? Shit. I fucked up. I guess granting myself a path to true victory is just too obvious. :)
Yeah, so I fell behind a bit at times. But this project was as much a social performance piece as it was a musician's new years resolution. It is a compilation of so many different thoughts, personal, abstract, and social, all bound together into a train of exposures, a journal of subjects both public and private. A few times the thoughts were too private, and I ended up effecting the emotions of others by publishing them. Still, I am just beginning to grasp the power of song and understand the way in which music ripples throughout the social dance. But at least now I can say I've seen both of these things first hand.
I want to learn as many lessons from this body as possible. First and foremost I would like to learn how to take on my own fears surrounding any sort of life venture now, great or small. Being a musician, and artist, is one of those ventures which I need to stop being afraid of, because it's what I love. For me, art is like an excuse to do everything that I've always wanted to. That being said, I don't take for granted the fact that I have a very special opportunity right now, one that doesn't come to many people very often. How do I open that door and walk through it in an honest, passionate, and cool way?
Well, I'm starting with an open mic-a-week project, just went to one last night. I'm gonna record as many of my performances as possible and blog them on here as the year goes by. Either way I'll write a little bit about each one. I'll also be writing an average of 1 song a week and blogging those too/sharing everything important to me that I create this year.
In terms of music, I need to calm down a little bit and think more about my compositions. Now that I have experienced songwriting from both extremes, it's time to find a balance.
Balance. Man, between all of these ambitions, art, music, friends, family, loving new extraterrestrial favorite girls, and my own individuality, this head space is twirling like a carousel.
I will get off it and run home to the comfort of my dark, empty room at times, so that when I return I will have the strength and bearing to surf cycles atop the plastic zebra-striped steed, my favorite. Look world, no hands!